Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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