my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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