I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
