I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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