you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
