i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
