I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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