Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
