why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
