Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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