Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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