Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was like eating out sand paper
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
