Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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