My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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