We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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