Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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