cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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