life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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