Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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