I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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