I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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