The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
