is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
