if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
