don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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