Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
