And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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