If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
