so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize