dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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