I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
