Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
