I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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