guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
