I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize