you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
