Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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