So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
