This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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