D3 body, D1 cock
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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