Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
