I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
