you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
