I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
