It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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