I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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