Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
PANTIES FOUND
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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