If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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