About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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