can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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