I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
