I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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