the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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