I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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