Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
