Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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