White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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