Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
