I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
