there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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