I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize