he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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