bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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