Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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